The Cost of Obedience

In response to my last post, Christina asked, "How can we have God's favor in our relationships? Or anything else, for that matter?" My answer comes in the form of a quote, and part of an email I recently wrote to a friend.


THE QUOTE:

"Often God does things in our life that may not fit our grid of 'normal.' But 'normal' to God isn't a set formula, it's obedience no matter what the cost, absolute trust in His leading, and total dependence upon Him for the outcome." (Eric Ludy)


THE EMAIL:

. . . If I know nothing else, and if I have been deceived beyond all deception and have believed a lie, I know the Lord has commanded me to obey. If I lose everything, and I am again left alone, then I will have gained one thing: the favor of the Lord. The favor of the Lord outweighs the delights of the heart.

For though I desire fulfillment, those desires must be offered unreservedly to the God who is close to the contrite. And though I desire the favor of men, I must seek the favor of the Lord. I must obey, regardless of the cost, knowing that there is a joy set before me that is worth the pain, the suffering, the nights of empty longing. To set my face like flint, to endure the cross and scorn its shame, is to follow in the path of Christ, a path laden with heartache and loss. But there is beauty beyond the suffering, and for that beauty I strive.

Looking back over my life, there has been nothing more beautiful than one lonely night sophomore year. After two difficult years of learning the cost of obedience, the Lord closed that chapter with his own hand. But even in the closing of a chapter, there is loss. There is always loss. But in the darkness of my loss, the Lord met me. And in my dark and lonely hour, I received words of favor from the Lord, words that made those two hard years make sense. They were words that showed me the value of obedience and brokenness. It is those words of favor I remember when I want to abandon this living hope. I think of the beauty I might miss if I don't stay the course. I think of the beauty I might gain should I press on. I think of the Lord's favor, and how it is more desirable than fulfillment. For I can live without earthly fulfillment, but I cannot live without my God.

This I know. Indeed, I have paid dearly the cost for which I never bargained. I have lost the treasures of my very self, and yet I have survived. I have learned there is life after loss, and the God for which I labor is worth those empty nights. I have yet to see the restoration of all I have lost, and yet I hope, I wait, I believe. One day his salvation will come, and I will wait for that day. If all for which I have hoped comes to naught, I will still believe that my God will come. I will still wait for his deliverance. I know that one day he will restore the years the locusts have eaten. One day, he will atone for the sufferings that I have endured. I will wait for him. He came through for me once, and it is that memory I will not release. He came for me. And though he linger, I will wait. He will surely come and will not delay. If I lose all for which I have labored, then may it be that I gain the favor of the Lord, which no man can rob from me.