I've often told the Lord, "I don't want a story just like everyone else's. I want an adventure. I want my own story, something different from the rest of the world." The funny thing is, now that I've got it, I get frustrated that no one understands, that no one has "been there" before. And then the Lord answers, "To travel a path so few have taken requires great courage - the courage to travel alone."
I think one of the hardest things in life is "traveling alone"...When the Lord leads you through a certain terrain of life that no one you know has traveled before. They can't comprehend what that terrain is like, because they simply haven't traveled it. And they openly admit it. "I wish I could understand," they say in all sympathy, "but I just haven't been there." Or they take the opposite approach and say, "I understand. I was wrong about my own life and therefore so are you." But is that really understanding? No. But we can't get bitter, but rather we need to be understanding of where they are in life, and not consider our terrain more important. It's not necessarily more important; it's simply different. It's okay that they're not on the same terrain, but we need to be prudent with what we've been given and not share it with just anyone. When the Lord gives you treasure, you cannot simply show everyone. Being faithful with God's promises includes being prudent with whom we share it.
I was talking to my mom about this recently. I told her, "Why is it so hard for them to believe? Why are Christians so hesitant to believe that God is that powerful?"
In response, my mom told me the story of a young woman she knew back when she was a new Christian. The young woman was abandoned by her "Christian" husband, who then dated another woman in the church. But the Lord gave the young woman the grace to endure it. He gave her the grace to forgive. He gave her the grace to continue on with her life in the strength of the humility and endurance of Christ. He gave her the grace. But my mom was flippin pissed off about it. And in her anger, my mom ranted to the Bible study leader about this horrible man and all the awful things he had done. The Bible study leader then answered my mother: "God has given her the grace to go through this - not you." In other words, the grace the Lord had provided to endure the hardship, was for the young woman alone, and not for my mom, who wasn't going through it.
In light of this, my mom told me: "God has given you the faith to believe - not your friends. Faith is a gift from the Lord, and he's given it to you for the journey he's put you on. Don't expect others to believe, because he hasn't asked them to. This faith is for you alone, because this path is for you alone."
That gave me an all new perspective. It helped me to be more gracious with those who think I'm crazy. And granted, I haven't told that many people, just my closest circle of sisters (and my mom). But even in that small handful, some have begun to withdraw, leaving discouragement in their wake. But I shouldn't be discouraged, for the Lord warned me that this would be a lonely journey. "Be strong and very courageous!" he says. "Remember the former things - remember what I did three years ago. I did it once, and I'll do it again. I am God, and I will do all that I please. What I have said, that will I bring about. What I have planned, that will I do."
That always makes me shudder. The power and will of God. (( shudder )) Our God is powerful. And while I've always known that he is powerful, the thought now brings a chill with it. For he went so far as to demonstrate a dose of his power in such a way that I felt like Job. Stunned, silent, awe-struck. I could barely breathe - it was just this awesome display of his power. And that night, more than any other night, I knew and believed in my heart that God would do all he has promised. And just a few days later, he confirmed that I was on the right path in the biggest, most unexpected way that made my jaw drop. "God, I don't know what on earth you're thinking . . . but I like it." Ahhhh God is powerful. And he's crazy too.
Last year, I asked the Lord under what "banner" I should walk this spiritual path and fight this spiritual fight. His answer came immediately: "God is mighty. God is powerful. God is good." That was over a year ago. But even after all this time, those three aspects of God's character are the foundational truths on which I have remained steadfast. Without them, I fall into the darkness and depths of despair. But when I remember, when I claim, his might, his power, his goodness, it is then that I find strength.
I wait on his salvation. And as I wait, he encourages me; he constantly shows me that he's in this and that he's the one leading me. He's asked me not only to believe, but to walk in that belief, to show by my life that I expect God to fullfill what he has promised. And sometimes the path is dark and discouragement screams in my ears. God seems silent and absent. But he had given me grace - he has given me landmarks to which I can return and remember. "I made a choice to believe," I say, "and so I must continue to believe. I made a promise, and I'm gonna keep that promise." To wait patiently, to wait in expectation of God's power, to believe.
There's a great song lyric that says, "The lie is always cheaper than the truth." And it's true. But on the flip side, the greatest treasures will only be won "at immense cost and discipline." When the Lord asks you to walk in faith, a part of you dies. You pay dearly to follow the Lord - whether it be emotionally, physically, relationally. But you pay. You always pay. If it's free, you have to wonder if it's really God. Your friends, who only mean the best, will say, "Be careful. Don't do it. I don't want to see you get hurt." But when has following Christ not involved suffering, and even death? Obedience does not mean safety. I think one of our biggest problems as Christians is that we think we need to be safe, and we want our friends to be safe. Obviously, we shouldn't be stupid. But if we're truly following the Lord, there will be risk. And with risk there will be scars. With obedience there will be suffering.
Why are we so afraid of pain? Why are we so afraid of our friends not understanding? Why are we so afraid of flinging ourselves into the unknown in obedience, knowing that the Lord will take care of us? And why are we so quick to stop our friends who are doing so? Let us not be afraid. Let us be strong. Let us have courage. For though he is not safe, our God is good.
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