Train the eye, Train the heart

[Originally posted Wednesday, March 21, 2007]

"The best advice I can give a young man is to train the eye. Where the eye is focused, there the imagination finds its raw material. The right focus must be won at immense cost and discipline. Train the eye to see the good, and the imagination will follow suit." (Ravi Zacharias, "I, Isaac," p 80.)

Two things came to mind when I read this. First, I was reminded of a certain time when a group of us went swimming. There was this guy I was newly friends with, and we had been hanging out a bit. But the moment the bathing suit went on...he wouldn't look at me. No eye contact, nothing. He kept his eyes trained away from me, even while we talked to each other. At first, it struck me as strange...until I realized he was guarding his eyes. And in that moment I felt more respected by a man than I ever had before. Not only was he guarding himself, he was honoring me. It left me with a sense of wonder, and a desire to honor him in return.

But how does a young woman honor a man with a similar gesture? This brings me to my second thought. The general concensus is that men struggle with the lust of the eyes. But so rare is the teaching that, often, the weakness of a woman is the over-indulgence of emotion. I always hear "guard your heart," but what the hell does that mean anyway? (Some of you might know that I abhore that cliche.) What they mean and don't know how to teach, is emotional discipline.

I was first taught this invaluable truth four years ago by our own beloved Dan Gelok. So often, feminine emotions are pegged as burdensome, annoying, schizophrenic. His response was, "Your emotions are a gift. And what a great gift you have! But just as with any other gift, there comes great responsibility. You are not a slave to your emotions." If you are not a slave, then that means you are free. Any slavery on your part is your own choice of submission to a false master.

And that was just the beginning of my journey down the path of emotional discipline. I have come to love and embrace that part of my personality, within the confines of right reason. Emotion is a beautiful thing, but it cannot control me. I have learned how to submit my emotions to my will: allowing myself to feel, while submitting those feelings to reason.

Men are called to train the eye. Women are called to train the heart. If I am to honor a brother in Christ, where do I allow my heart to wander? Do I daydream about him, stare at his picture, gush about him with my friends? Somehow, that strikes me as profoundly dishonoring. Then how do I honor him? I train the heart. A man may admire a woman's beauty, but there is a limit. Similarly, a woman may have feelings for a man, but there is a limit. A woman must learn the discipline of submitting her emotions to her will. That does not mean to repress them. Emotional discipline allows the heart to feel, but those feelings do not control the will. The will remains free to make rational and godly decisions.

If men are to honor us with their eyes, should we not then honor them with our hearts?

"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." (Hebrews 12:1)