"He gave some to be Apostles..."

[Originally posted Wednesday, March 14, 2007]

Sophomore year, the Lord revealed a lot to me about my future. It was kind of like his gift to me coming out of the hardest 2 years of my young life. I hadn't asked for it, it was just his gift, a dose of joy and freedom as if to say, "You passed the test...you're ready for this now." And he showed me his beautiful, glorious plan for me. He ignited in my heart a burning desire and passion to defend the gospel, to teach/disciple Christians, to set the captives free and deliver those in darkness, to help the helpless, and finally - to be a warrior on the front lines of the spiritual battle. It was a complex commission, but I am a complex person.

I didn't know how or in what fashion these things would be set in motion or accomplished, but before I could find out, I dropped my eyes from the goal . . . and I got distracted. I made a small mistake that cost me the last two years.

And then came Cleveland last October (Alistair), and Colorado Springs in November (Ravi) . . . and a spiritual awakening began to hint at an impending restoration.

And then came Israel.

I can't tell everyone what happened in Israel, because of its personal nature. But it began at my baptism in the Jordan River on the third day. I used to think that being baptized wouldn't change anything, because it's just an action. But something happened at that moment. Everything changed. God received my guilt offering and began his good work. He sent his servant. And it was hard. But he restored me. And he is restoring me still.

I don't know what's next. But I know he's preparing me for his good work. Beginning with Colorado Springs, God reminded me of his purpose in me to defend the gospel. And so I am applying for Oxford Center of Christian Apologetics. I never thought I'd want to train for apologetics, but here I am. And I never thought I'd want to travel the world defending the gospel, but that's what I want to do.

And then on the Israel trip, I met a guy who has been traveling the world since August, going from country to country for a month or two at a time, working with people and doing God's work. It reminded me of sophomore year, the desire to live the gospel and help the helpless, minister to Christians, and deliver those in darkness. Somehow, those desires fit easily into this model of traveling the world doing God's work. It began to make sense. The philosophical and domestic go hand in hand for me. So when I heard this guy's story of traveling from country to country doing God's work, it clicked. This was part of the plan.

And then today Shane Claiborne spoke in chapel who more or less lives with the homeless in Philly, and who spent time in Baghdad with the people there, and who randomly jumped on a plane to Calcutta to work with Mother Teresa. And it clicked. This was part of the plan.

I don't know how things will fit together, but I know what I'm aiming for. I know that he's sending me. I'm gonna be an "apostle". Think about it: Paul defended the gospel with philosophers. He worked to pay his own way. He helped people in need. He established and worked with churches. He traveled the world. He fought the good fight. And I'm gonna follow him.

"It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ." -Eph 4:11