On the Edges of Jordan

It's been 10 weeks since I was baptized in Israel, since I received the Sign of the Covenant. Saturday, February 24, 2007. I'm still not over it. It's like I fell in love with my Lord all over again. It's been an uphill climb, for sure, but . . . what a beautiful view. I cannot even begin to explain all that has happened in these ten weeks. It has been hard. Many times darkness fell like a shroud. But I remembered my resolution as I knelt on the shores of the Jordan: This is it, there is no going back. Let this be the landmark in my history that I can return to and say, 'I made a promise and I'm never going back.'

Indeed, there is no going back.

God saved me from two years of a deep spiritual depression. He restored me. But that restoration came at a price. Oh, how much I have paid since that Saturday afternoon on the Jordan! But I have bought from the Lord gold refined in the fire; he has clothed me in his righteousness; he has opened my eyes. The cost was great, the cut was deep. But how beautiful are the sufferings in which we share with Christ.

He restored me. Then he commissioned me. Then he brought several weeks of unanticipated revelation. And then, on Easter Sunday, the day of his Resurrection, he gave me rest. Rest from the struggle. Rest from the labor. Rest from the uncertainty. I knew who I was; I knew my God; I knew what to believe. He had established me.

In the week that followed, I received a new kind of beauty from the Lord, a fellowship in the Spirit that I can't explain here. It was a gift, a gentle assurance of his promises. And from there, I found strength and continued on this steep and winding path, constantly tested, with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and the left, encouraged by the support of a few godly friends. And then last weekend, I found encouragement in the unanticipated fellowship of a brother, a man in whose character is the goodness of Christ, a warrior of the Living God. There, the Lord gave a deposit of his promise, a glimpse of his unfathomable power.

It's hard. Gruelingly hard. But God is good, and in his goodness I rest. If he sends me away empty, then in emptiness I will go. If he sends me away lonely, then in loneliness I will go. For I know whom I have believed. The Lord is my portion; therefore, I will wait for him. I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. For all good things come from God, and all good things go back to God.

Come, Lord Jesus.


As I stand on the edges of Jordan
The saints and the angels beside
When my body is healed
And the glory revealed
Still I can boast only Christ